My sad excuse for a knee

I finally had surgery on my knee. It didn't turn out anything like I thought it would. I thought I'd have the surgery, be down for a bit, and then therapy for a couple months and up and running. The doctor thought it was a meniscus tear, but in fact, it turned out to be . . . arthritis! Can you believe it? At my age?!!

Not a serious surgery, mind you, a simple scope of the knee. They ended up scraping off half the thickness of my knee cap. They showed me the actual pictures they took inside my knee - kind of gross. I asked the doctor for a copy so that I could post it, but it was $20 - for a picture of MY knee from MY surgery! Ridiculous! So I found a few pictures to demonstrate.

This is what your knee cap should look like. . . smooth. Okay, so I don't really know if this is actually a knee cap or not, but it is a picture of a knee, and it demonstrates the smoothness that should be there - you get the idea :)

This is what my knee cap actually looked like. Except for I had more hangy down thingy's and floaters too. . . I didn't see a lot of empty space like you see here.

When I woke up from the surgery, the first thing the doctor said to me was "no more volleyball". Those of you who know me, that's like telling me not to breathe anymore! Like taking away one of my best pals! I was a bit shocked, but woozy. So I thought, maybe I heard him wrong. NOPE. He basically told me I'll probably need a knee replacement in the next 10-20 years if I don't play and sooner if I do. These were his words, "Does that mean you can't play volleyball? No. But should you? No." He advised against playing at all. I did the next best thing, I'll stop running, something else I love, but not quite as much as volleyball, and I'll cut back on the volleyball. I'd say it was a pretty good compromise :)

The initial recovery back to walking was quick, but the recovery back to normal activities seems to be taking for-ev-ah! I'll never return to what I could do before. I very much dislike being inhibited. It's so frustrating not to be able to do all the things I used to. Forget, and a simple jog to the door brings me back to reality! I didn't realize how much I run and romp and play until it now hurts to do so! I'm gaining a small taste of empathy for those that have major health losses or dramatic alterations to their way of life. I'm actually really struggling with finding an alternate stress reliever/excercising regimen. It was running, and I really enjoyed it. Now, running is out. I play volleyball once a week, but that's not enough to keep in shape. So I need to figure out other things that I enjoy and that I can make time to do. I love swimming, but pools are hard to come by in Utah, especially in the winter. I'm so happy it's almost summer! I like ellipticals, too, although outside activities are more my thing. Anyone with suggestions - feel free!

In my degree we covered many times the area of grieving a loss and coping. The different stages that you can go through - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Generally these stages are used in reference to a death, but they are also referred to in dealing with losses in your life of health, jobs or anything that may be important to you. I'm pretty sure I've experienced these stages in my life with the losses I have experienced in regards to my health. I am experiencing them in a small degree again - I can move from one stage to the other like the possession changes in a basketball game. My patience is again being tried. I hope that I can settle into acceptance soon. At least I can walk :) Count my blessings, count my blessings!

I wasn't blessed with a Pollyanna spirit. It's something I have always admired and would love to have. Thus, my admiration for the Hinckley's! I consistently attempt to emulate them and their examples. This is just another opportunity for me to develop that trait :)